wouldnt life be nice if it was like one of those tv shows? where the character just releases all of their anger, sadness, emotion, and it becomes some form of strength they can muster to overcome their odds?

but no, this is life. and instead they are just here, building up daily, with no way out. and i wish i knew what to say, what to think, what to know. and i feel ripped in half constantly, and i wish it would stop. and then when it does, i wish it kept tearing away.

maybe itl get better. but i doubt it. because all i find myself with is me, being frustrated at an inability to come to a decision and stable state of mind. maybe all i do want is to just read, and write here and there, do a little bit of good in the meantime. maybe id just like something meaningful, and its not here, no. i look at my bookshelf. maybe i just want go on and get an MPH and do something. maybe i just want to lie in my hammock and read novels. i dont know, how do you know what would really make you happy? i know its the little things at the end. comfort. but also change and constant excitement.

all i know is i need to get through this one week, get my shit together, get my shit together, start exercising daily, and read.