I'm a watery whirlwind

This, to me, sums up my state of life and mannerisms right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8znYPXhZFA

I suggest listening to it at least once. It's slow, chill, calm, and knows what it wants.

My excursion to the South of Para was a really interesting one, and a large contrast to the entire Manaus journey. The South is an area ripped open by violence over land reform. Agrarian issues are at its highest priority, at the root of which is the need for people to protect their families and way of life. These range from cooperatives to help rural farmers secure land title, associations working to preserve the human dignity of communities displaced by the building of large hydroelectric damming projects, to the Landless Workers Movement's original Para settlement in Palmares II. It is a place where memory is not taken for granted, in a land where so many are forgotten, cast aside, or forced out of history's lens of vision. The face of development and the race to utilize the fruits of the land overpowers the very people who make up the life of the region. Large mining companies strip away iron and coal by the tons per day, and yet, it's the economic demand in the industrialized nations that fuels the system. Who is to blame?

Tucurui Dam is the worlds third largest hydroelectric dam in existence, soon to be knocked down to #4 once the Three Gorges Dam in China is completed, and perhaps lowered to #5 when the Belomonte Dam here in Brazil on the Xingu River is built. That doesn't do anything to detract from its immense size. It provides hydroelectric energy all over Brazil, both advancing the human condition and detracting from it at the same time. The whole entire process is a paradox. It also provides all of the mining operations in nearby Carajas with their fuel supply. We visited Jacunda Nova, the community that has reassembled itself after Jacunda Velha was flooded with the initial construction of Tucurui. We were able to hear from one of the association's spokesperson on the struggle to obtain basic human rights from Electronorte, the Brazilian Energy company in charge of Tucurui. Since this man had begun the fight, already 12 of his friends had been killed due to the struggle. 12 people. That he personally knew. Not to count all the families that were forced off of their property, either with or without any warning from the company, about the incoming waters. And yet, the man was so...casual about it. "Yeah, 12 of my friends have died". But there's the difference. Not that it is "normal" here...but that there is something more valuable than life that these people struggle for. And that is what I have a hard time grasping. I'm able to see what that principle is, I'm able to say they are fighting for dignity, for rights, and above all, for freedom and liberty, but...I can't feel what those things are.

It wasn't until we went to visit the Eldorado Massacre Memorial along the side of the highway on our way to our rural homestay that this really hit and bothered me, bothered me that I couldn't honestly grasp what would be so important that you would sacrifice yourself. Your family, friends, everyone, would never see you ever again, but more than that is the fact that they would understand exactly what is is you were fighting for, and why. And they would probably do the very same thing. In 1996, I believe, the violence in the south over agrarian reform reached its limit as a group of rural workers fighting for their land were shot by the military. I can't put into words how this place made me feel.

Thus, transitioning from that experience to living with the MST community of Palamres II, the first success story of the MST in Para, was weird. My family was nice, for the most part. My two sisters were very kind and welcoming to me, and talked to me a good deal. My father and mother took more time to warm up to me, but I think that was because this community has has American students living with them every semester for 12 years now. So, unlike our first experience with the ribeirinho families, we were nothing new. My host brothers didn't talk to me the entire time. Oh well. I spent most of my time with various people's families, on and off feeling like it was a crappy experience to feeling like it was a great experience. I did some capoeira, learned some Brazilian dances, swam in a waterfall, talked to Brazilian children, fell down a road and became the town spectacle for 3 days, talked to my father about MST and capitalism, learned that most of my sister's friends are Marxist, read Lenin and Che, and are vegetarians, amongst other things. When it was time to go and return with the group, I was ready, even though I'll miss my sisters and some of the experiences along the way.

We spent the day up in Serra Azul and the surrounding region in the Carajas National Forest to basically take a day to decompress after the heavy several days. Gustavo tried to force learning experiences, we didn't abide. We spent most of the day at a small waterfall. Probably not the best thing for the cuts and scrapes covering my legs. But whatever. It was one of the more magical moments of being in Brazil. Afterwards, we visited several caves with archaeological remains in the National Forest, some of which are being destroyed by Vale, the mining company. Vale has the world's largest iron mining operation in the world here. Without a permit from IBAMA. But nobody really cares. Except from the thousands of workers with deteriorating health conditions. Or the workers who are more or less put into debt peonage to work in these mines, in conditions that equate to human slavery under the aviamento system. Oh the world...I just want to work under environmental justice, environmental/occupational/ecosystem health, and community based participatory research. It's all about empowering people to lead their own lives, in the end. I'm very excited for the opportunity to work with PSA on this topic. No matter what I do, it will be the most satisfying experience of my life. I'm ready, I feel, to be alone and face my fears.

But honestly, most of what I learned in the whole 10 days was about myself, spent in long van rides, sitting alone in my MST room, or reflecting to my iPod. Learning about the things about myself I don't like, and the things I need to change. I was talking to my friend here about the whole thing. "Do you feel like you have changed here so far?"
Certainly.
I have the image in my head of the person I know I have the potential to be, who comes out now and then here in Brazil, like the person I knew in various points in my life. The point now is to figure out those small steps to get their. But having that image and knowing it is real is good enough. I feel like I know who I am, more or less.
I am a genuinely nice person. I try my very hardest to be non-judgmental, to see things from other people's points of view and to try to understand where they are coming from. Being raised as a Quaker, I believe that there is good in everyone to some extent, and so I give people the benefit of the doubt often. I am patient, and don't mind taking people's problems on or letting them vent, because I understand that everyone just needs that sometimes. Yet, my friend asked the right question. She used to be the same way, and would try hard at everything she did, in all of her relationships, and invest a lot in people. Then one day, her friend turned to her and said, "You let everyone step all over you. Why do you try? Why does it even matter?" I give people a lot of chances. Too many. There is no reason to be so patient with the world when the same people will take that gift and reverse is as an opportunity to take advantage of you. It's not that I don't stand up for myself...it's that I hope people will be as good as I hope they can be. I suppose people are just really out for their own interest and aren't interested in reciprocating that generosity.

It's a matter of me just having more faith in myself instead, and being able to know that just because somebody is stubborn, it doesn't make them right at all. On the contrary, they're probably just being more closed minded. And if thats how they will be, then so be it. I also finally feel like I have something worth getting angry about, worth fighting about, and worth pursuing. As I sat out on my MST family's porch waiting for my family to wake up on the last morning there, I just sat and thought about what I really want to do with my life. And what makes me happy. Enough about always putting everyone else's happiness first. I can't help other people be happy if I am miserable. That's not to say I should discard other people; that would be impossible for me. I just need to remember that I am not responsible for how people chose to react. It is possible they are just being rude, or closed minded, or overreacting.

I just want to own a boat, living in a little port town or city in the US, maybe travel for work now and then, and work on health risks revolving around water, aquatic ecology, contaminants, and community empowerment and education.

Overall, the trip was good. Lots of time in vans. We played a game called Essences, which I think will be fun to share. One person thinks of a person in the group, and everyone else in the van has to ask questions such as, "what kind of Disney character would they be", "what kind of animal would they be", etc, and the person gives the response they think sums up that person, and then you all have to guess who they are thinking of. It was a fun little way to see how people perceive you. I feel like at least a few of my friends here know me pretty well:

Animal: the friendly muddy adopted brown dog that everyone loves
Natural disaster: a strong wind storm
Pokemon: Marowak
Planet: Mars
Fruit: a perfectly ripe apple
Tree: birch/beech tree
Type of desert: rocky with cliffs
Cake/Pie: coconut cream pie, but more coconut than cream
Aquatic creature: black tipped reef shark
Human made environmental degradation: car exhaust runoff

There's more, I can't remember. As a whole, I thought this was a good trip. I'll remember sitting around with friends in Maraba stuffing our faces with acai. Long van rides curled up with everyone sharing iPods. Swimming in waterfalls. Feeling angry at life and economics. Not understanding how anyone can call science and technology neutral and objective when they lead to these enormous extractive projects that bring about countless ecological and health hazards. Feeling like I understand myself. Feeling happy at the same time, while having no idea what is going on. Living completely in the present, without thought about future or past. Letting the moment take hold. Independence. Realizing that being on a boat in a river drinking a cup of coffee sitting silently with a friend is one of the most beautiful and enjoyable things I can ever do. Realizing that everything, in the end, works out fine. It's all going to be alright. Knowing that I feel some kind of calling, and that I am the sort of person who will find a way to make it all work, and do it right. Seeing so many butterflies. Feeling like I have the respect of some people here, but more importantly, I feel like I respect myself for beginning to understand the importance of giving myself time and credit to myself. For sometimes realizing that I need to put myself first.

I don't want to save the world. I've never been that kind of person. But I feel like I know what I can contribute to do my part and to give back. Because even if most of the world doesn't give back who should, I know I will. I feel very calm and collected right now. Things are right. Even if they actually aren't. It's ok. In the end, people want their stories told. Not so they can be neatly fitted into some abstract social theory, but so that people can understand and see, to take away social invisibility, and recognize what the things we view as normal do elsewhere in the world. Or maybe not even elsewhere, but very close by. I want to read Haruki Murakami's Underground. It is a collection of stories he put together from 60 interviews after
the Aum Shinrikyo sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway, along with a few of his own reflections. I think people need someone to tell their stories, especially when they are not really in a position to do so. Of course, there needs to be more than that. It can't be academic, because nobody reads those. And thats the whole point.

I'm rambling again. Sorry. It felt really good to hear that my wrestling paper had an actual impact on somebody's life, and was able to put into words what somebody felt they try to accomplish. So that didn't effect some policy or anything, but it affected somebody's life. That's what being a writer is all about. Besides, as I see here in Brazil, not everything can be reduced to a policy change. And even if it could be...it probably wouldn't actually do much. Because not much really gets enforced anyway. It's community organization, grassroots, and...no, it's not. It's more than that, and not as pretentious. It's about people being happy. Finding ways to express themselves, feeling empowered and heard, and finding their own strength inside of them, or that comes from being a part of something bigger, or something like that. I'll see it during my PSA project, I know it. I need to get into art again. I feel free.

Maraba

I´m in a little internet cafe in Maraba right now and can´t really figure out how to use the apostraphe key, which ends up being a lot more important than you might think.

Maraba is a pretty cool little city. Not as cool as Santarem, but I like it. Its also in the Sul do Para, which is infinetely more different than Santarem in the western part of the state. The South is a whole different Para for sure.

We left on Monday and began the long drive in our convees to the south of the state. Theres been so much seen and talked about so far and I dont really know where to start, Im a little overwhlemed and without my diary nearby nor pictures its a little hard to recall everything. What I have been learning a lot about is how communities can organize against injustice, externally against the government and large landowners/interests and internally to strengthen community. Basically, what I am studying at school, anthropology=community development and social solidarity, is not useless.

Tomorrow we begin our rural homestay with the MST community south of here. Very excited.

In Maraba there isnt really too much to do, but its nice to walk around. The hotel is closeby to this amazing little açai shop. Where we eat all of our meals, and by we I mean a few friends and I, and by all I mean dinner. But its great. Very filling, and sleep-inducing. Im gonna miss the purple goo back home.

We also visited Tucurui Dam the other day. Right now, it is the fourth highest energy producing hydroelectric dam in the world. We got to hear from both the managers of Tucurui and its development plans as well as spokespersons from the communities that have been flooded due to its construction, amngst with that all of the community organizing that must take place to first for your rights against such a giant.

As much as I can miss the people back home, back at school, and all the rest, theres something to be said for just being cut off from it all. Checking my email once in 10 days is nice, to be honest. And you cant grow if you keep staying close to what is familiar. Being in my rural homestay, or maybe just Brazil in general, has taught me that. I like being cut off. I like being forced into situations here, but above all, I like being alone and on my own. I like the independence. Which is so strange for me, because usually I am afraid to be alone, and for the first real time here, I like to embrace it. I love the feeling of just going with what life throws at you and thinking about the now. Maybe it is selfish to some extent, but isnt the whole point of a semester abroad to find yourself, to find time for you, to be a little selfish?

Things are good here, and I feel secure with life in general. It means a lot to me to feel good about living in the now. As someone said to me once, "wrestling taught me that above all else, everything always works out, andd so im generally not worried about life". Well said.

Off to the South

Today I went with Diego and Maura to get some tapiocinha for breakfast. With coconut in it. And then another with goiabada. It was good stuff. I tried ordering myself. It was slightly embarrassing.

Today has been pretty long. I decided adamantly not to bring my suitcase for this excursion because how much of a drag/embarrasing it was last time. So this time, I'll make everyone else look bad because I'm brining my little waterproof compression bag and my backpack. That's it. The real question is...do I bring a razor and shaving cream? Because they take up a lot of room in the back pack.

Today I also realized I have reached my limit for certain portuguese phrases. I know it's not right and has no logic, but I can no longer stand hearing the phrase meu filho, my son, over and over. Everywhere. Equally as grinding on my nerves is the way Maura talks to Urso, the dog. Sweet god.

I also tried to call Dr. Tozzi today, the Health Coordinator at Projecto Saude e Alegria, but alas no avail. I'll bring his # with along our South of Para trip, but I guess I'll just need to try extra hard to get in touch with him ASAP when we return. Then again, maybe he'll check his email in the next 10 days. It's in Portuguese, so maybe that will give me some street cred.

I've been making playlists today for the long bus rides down to Maraba. It's more or less 8 hours flat in the convees. Great. Naturally I'll be somewhat anti-social for several of those hours. I currently have Don't Stop Believing by Journey stuck in my head. Actually, it always is. I'm excited to get to Maraba though. Besides all the lectures and discussions, of course, we're staying at a little hotel, but the city itself, says Diego, is a lot like Santarem in size. I loved Santarem. So I'm hoping this city is equally as cool and affords equally as many prime-chilling locations.

Tomorrow I need to wake up at 4:30 to get ready to leave. We need to be at the office by 5. And leave at 5:30 for the ferry. I'm not a morning person at all, as most of you know, so I like the idea of letting that well-known fact be an excuse to space out for several hours. It should be a good trip. I'm ready to get away from Belem and all of that for a bit. Plus, our group got much closer during the Manaus trip and now things are good. I feel like I can call up most people to hang out or something.

On a side note, Urso just walked into my room, grabbed a sock in his mouth, and left. He does this at least 4 times a week.

If I get the chance to update this in the next 10 days I will. Otherwise, expect another long picture filled entry in 10 days.

Tchau

Suco e Acai

This morning I forced myself to wake up at 6 to finish my Topical Critical Review before the day actually began. Success. I'm pleased with it, which is all that matters. Of course its far too long...about the size of a normal research paper at Bard, and about the same number of sources. So...I'm kind of being an overachiever/perfectionist I suppose...I mean, I was one of the only people who did most of the pre-program reading. Oh well. I'm excited. I emailed my contact yesterday via email for ISP, the head of the Community Health sector of Projecto Saude e Alegria. I tried calling his office Thursday and Friday, but no luck. I'll try tomorrow morning early on. It would be perfect if I could work with their environmental health-participatory epidemiological monitoring program/being on the Abare boat. Considering I did just write a good deal on why it's so important.

So. Ver-O-Peso was fun. Today felt real independent. Taking the bus was a piece of cake, asking how much things cost at the market, bartering, and so on. Plus acerola juice is always good. I also almost never got lost now on the bus. I'm learning. Today my family came back and it felt good to see them and speak lots of portuguese and feel competent. Monday we go off to southern Para and the MST. It's going to be a really intense experience. But very worthwhile. Tonight I'll probably go out with the crew and chill, and tomorrow pack, charge various cameras and phones and iPods, and then go to church with the family before I don't see them for another 10 days. I love the excursions here.

This syllabus is kind of everything I could want to ever study and do: http://www.faculty.umb.edu/pjt/661b.html

I'm thinking it would be mad cool to do a TLS project at Bard on Community Epidemiology in this regard. I'd have to learn more about it first, ie why this ISP would be so important to me.

Today has been real bacana right now. I feel very at ease, very calm, and very ready for the world.

I also just ate copious amounts of acai for lunch, so I need to nap. Apparently thats very normal.

ISPPPPP

Below is my very rough brainstorm of what my TCR, Topical Critical Review, will look like. I have spent the majority of today-in between snacking on cupuaçu yogurt, watching youtube clips, and napping-doing research and taking notes on the plethora of sources I've been compiling and reading over the past few weeks here:

Begin with discussion of PSA, brief history and project aims. Next, discuss ecological public health [2 chapters, 1 overview of where public health is at and where needs to go, 1 on how it relates back to sustainability]) In the context of this new ecological public health under the umbrella of sustainability, how can communities and organizations avoid falling into the trap of the global commons? If ecological crises are formulated as global in nature, and therefore mandating global intervention, how can movements for sustainable health remain culturally autonomous and in the hands of the people? Explore Goldman/Escobar. Where do PSA fall in? From here, into the topic of whose knowledge is given precedence, and then go into Fischer and local knowledge. The system of development, in general, is one over the privileging of certain kinds of knowledge, science and technology, more Fischer on this. Go into At the Edge of Development, epidemiological transitions and state of health in Brazil in rural context. Go into the biggest barriers to providing healthcare, especially overlap between biomedicine/scientific experts and traditional knowledge. How does PSA relate? Lastly, go into subject of participatory science and research. PSA began, and continues to operate, under the importance of participatory research and assessment. Under community health program, they have a segment on participatory epidemiological monitoring. The rest of their health, environment, and education programs center around helping to train people to train others in the community and be self sufficient. Go into Phil Brown’s definition of popular epidemiology, how it differs from standard epidemiology, and the ways it incorporates everyday knowledge and understanding of the environment/workplace/home and community health surveys to place communities in active dialog with experts, both public and governmental/technocratic in nature. Since PSA is now in partnership with the Federal Government and IBAMA, this is something important to look into. Therefore, I could conclude that my ISP at this point will be how and if, in PSA’s holistic struggle for health and happiness, participatory epidemiology functions under the wider context of cultural autonomy and ecological public health. As PSA has recently expanded its focus from ~30 communities to ~140 in the Tapajos Region, and thus began fresh with a mix of preventative and curative health systems and forest economy programs within the context of governmental regulation, it is important to investigate how citizens can still remain, to a certain extent, their own experts in the decisions made over their well being.

It's really rough, but tomorrow I am meeting with Gustavo to talk about it, and then I have all of Thursday night to get it done and write it out. Maybe I'll start tonight. Maybe. I'm pretty beat. But, I happen to really like the topic I am looking into. Part of the whole thing is that if I spend a month studying all about participatory community based development as it pertains to environmental health monitoring, it can give me a lot to bring back to the US and work with in terms of new ways to think about advocacy, a career, and how to provide empowerment working within culture to achieve the same ends. It's all about the means, after all. At the same time, the whole point of participatory epidemiology, popular epidemiology, or whatever you plan on calling it, is that it is intended to be understood and interpreted in the categories of that culture, so that the people living there within that particular logic are the best equipped to notice changes in health/environment patterns and make referrals based upon their own understandings of the world. I think the Edge of Development book I'm using, even though it's from the early 80's, put it nicely. Biomedicine needs to use the culture they are working with as an anchor, and then blend biomedical understandings of disease and technology to fit in with that reality. Otherwise, you are speaking in, more or less, two different "cultural languages". But as their studies also show, traditional health care has, by and large, been pretty receptive to biomedical advances when this cultural translation is made clear, and the benefits evident. As their main point states (although I'm sure I can see people take issue with the statement in terms of universalizing), the desire for health (defined in the broadest sense, physical, communal, familial, individual) transcends all cultural boundaries. It's not like you are dealing with some alien species here; we all are, after all, human. And since one's immediate community and environment are what matter most, I think it's a fair enough statement to make. Perhaps even by working with PSA, I could help in their project in whatever way I can, so that my status as a researcher also dissolves from the whole concept of a neutral, value-free, observer, to someone who is participating and collaborating with those he or she is working with.

The chapter in Health Ecology that I am reading now also puts things in perspective, ecologically:
"The physical environment, our habitat, is the most important determinant of human health. Protection of the environment and preservation of ecosystems are, in public health terms, the most fundamental steps in preventing human illness" (118).

Works for me.

This past week otherwise has been pretty uneventful. We were all pretty drained from Cirio Weekend. And it's somewhat still going on this week, minus the enormous procession. We had another Portuguese oral test, which I think I did fine on, judging by how the conversation went. Last night a few of us went out for sushi. I had a "Filadelfia Roll". It was cooked salmon and cream cheese in a roll. Needless to say, not as good as Philly-style. You also pump your wasabi in liquid half-soy-sauce form. But, it was cream cheese, which I miss, so, made me happy enough. I also decided to buy some new clothes yesterday, half because most of my shirts smell like boat-funk, and half because us Americans here in Brazil are experiencing Brazil's 50% off sale, as we like to joke, even though in reality it's terrible because the economy back home is dying, as you all know better than I. But still, it means you get a shirt here, which costs $R 30, but in U.S$ cost ~$13. Oh yeah.

Nazare

This weekend has been insane, and been a major culture shock for being in Brazil in general. In a wonderful way, of course. It began when I opened the refrigerator on Thursday to find, to my delight, suco de abacate. Avocado smoothie time. It's almost as good as goiaba juice.

This weekend was Cirio. Brazil's largest religious festival, here in Belem. The largest Catholic festival in the world. Slightly larger than the annual hadj to Mecca. Today, there were most likely 2 million people here just to celebrate nossa senhora da Nazare. A friend who lives right along the main street where the procession takes place was nice enough to let me stay at his family's apartment for two nights. Well, I should say the family was nice enough to let me stay there, as was Maura for being completely cool with me just sort of doing whatever all weekend and taking in all that Cirio has to offer. Cirio here to the Paraense is what Christmas is to the rest of Brazil. It's the time when your family flies from all over Brazil for one weekend. Saturday night the procession , consisting of the Virgin of Nazare "idol" and the thousands or millions of devote followers march from the Basilica da Nazare to the ingreja in Cidade Velha, the old part of the city. Then on Sunday morning, the same group marches with the Virgin back to the Basilica. Luckily for me, there is much to do over in Cidade Velha, so my weekend was incredibly interesting and engaging.

Thursday night, I took a break from working on Mini-ISP to go to this nice jazz club called Casa das Onze Janelas, which I went to during our first week in Belem. Instead of actually going into the club, Nigel, Sam, and myself all ran into each other, along with their respective host brother/sister, and ended up being in this huge party out in the plaza, complete with concerts, trying to talk in Portuguese, and so forth. Being here so far in Brazil, we have gotten to see and talk to so many different people, but haven't gotten any sort of feel for the everyday social life here, so it was a lot of fun to just let our guards down and be out and about. Friday night was more of the same. It's also just cool to experience someone else's host family, and how different each of our experiences here in Belem are. Especially with my family being Protestant and, well, everyone else's being Catholic.

Saturday I had another fun "Dan-takes-the-wrong-bus-several-time-and-then-tries-to-take-a-taxi-to-meet-up-with-people" experience. Talking with taxi drivers is pretty fun, and if you are friendly with them and actually try and have a conversation, at least here in Belem, they let a few reais slide by when it comes time to pay the bill. Almost as fun as trying to communicate to the person cutting your hair in a hair salon, but thats different. Much more frightening. When I actually managed to find people, we met up at the Praca da Republica for a giant Cirio festival-esque party. It ended up being this very large gay-pride festival that everyone else just kind of ends up going to, so it was pretty intense. It was hard to even walk around, but fun. Lots of street food, music, and crazy antics that, in Brazil, of course only happens during a large religious festival.

Today was the actual procession. It was insane! In an awesome way, as is everything in Brazil. Things tend to go to either extreme here. People don't seem to muddle around in the middle grey area. All or nothing, and it's a cool way to approach the world, I think. Needless to say, thousands upon thousands of people walking along the avenue, some walking for fun, some walking to have their prayers answered, and so on, was a very cool experience. Intense and somewhat overwhelming. But worthwhile. It makes me keep thinking how important religion is to people, and how much sometimes I wish I had that something to bring myself together with some sort of community. Quakerism was something along those lines, as was Buddhism back then a little ways. I've actually had a number of talks with people here, most on the boat trip, when all cool conversations happen, about what Quakerism is, what it means to me, etc, and made me really appreciate more what Westtown gave me, in that regard. I miss Quakerism a lot, sometimes, to be honest. Even if just for that community aspect.

This week we have a lot of down time to work on our ISP ideas more fully, so I will keep updating about that. We also have a lecture with IMAZON, the Amazonian environmental research institute, and I'm looking forward to that. I'll also try to post pictures of Cirio that my friends took.
Tchau, e boa noite

I Love Goiaba

Speaking of Portuguese, I ended up acing my oral test, with the comment "sem pausas". Oh yeah.

So, putting that good language skill to the test, I've basically been sitting around with my host aunt Maura talking about everything in the world: what kinds of fruits are here in Belem, anthropology and community development, the Brazilian public health system, the obligation of people to pay pack to their communities, and so on. You know, typical Dan stuff. I live for it. She's a pretty amazing woman, she works as a doctor and a teacher of public health, so I'm guessing the fact that I am living with her family is no coincidence. She finds anthropology to be really interesting as a medical person, someone who has to work within and with various cultures everyday, and we had a really cool conversation about the differences between anthropology in the U.S and in Brazil. In the U.S, we have anthropology, and applied anthropology. In Brazil, it's the same thing. In the U.S, it's hard for anthropology peeps to really do a lot in the public sphere, write in newspapers, make their opinions and thoughts widespread, affect public policy; in Brazil, they are all over the place, from writing in newspapers to working in government bureaus. She wants to take me to the Emilio Goedli Museum here in Belem sometime, that would be very cool.

Today our Mini-ISP group got together at Neil's apartment to put our findings together. I'm going to be responsible for the conclusion of the paper, so tonight I need to write about what our main findings were, what the problems with our research was, and how these could be remedied in the future, and how the project could be built upon as a whole. That's kind of my thing, so it should be good. Our main objective was to see if ALCOA had an effect on health in the town of Juruti, so, obviously, we found that there was an affect on health care in the town. In general, although there were some contrasting opinions, the common thread was that the health care system had improved with the recent developmental boom due to ALCOA: hospitals had become more frequent, more clinics were being built, and there is now more access to doctors. Yet, at the same time, there aren't enough doctors to keep up with the population boom, nor are their enough specialized doctors. People also held doubts about who would benefit from ALCOA's promises and rewards to the town, and who would miss out. While the system had generally gotten somewhat better, overall health conditions had declined. With a high population that is quickly becoming more technically oriented comes more cars, more industry, and thus more contamination of common resources such as air and water. Many of my informants spoke of the high frequency of respiratory problems from the recent heavy air pollution. Coupled onto this was the fact that in order to find any specialized doctor, such as someone to deal with all the lung concerns, one needs to travel to Santarem or Manaus. Thus, this lead to much distrust and dismissal of the medical professionals in the town. So, while there is more satisfaction with the health care system in Juruti, this is hampered by the disdain for the recent wave of health conditions brought about by the heavy development. To throw some numbers out there, from 2000 the town experienced a population boom from 14,000 people to 50,000 people. Most of our informants have only been in Juruti for a few months. Nevertheless, getting together to discuss the project was a cool experience. I had been a little wary about group dynamics when we started, but doing a qualitative project was so much easier in the end working with 4 other people. Just being able to bounce ideas off of each other and get suggestions for each of our sections made the whole thing less of a hassle. It also gives me some faith the qualitative is the way to go, for me at least. To each his own, but I think its best to let people speak for themselves, such is the point of democracy in general.

This weekend is Cirio, the world's largest Catholic festival in the world, held at the Basilica de Nazare here in Belem. Unfortunately, my family, ie Maura, is Protestant, so, they won't be doing anything. I will need to tag along with a friend for sure, I don't want to miss this, it is supposed to be an insane and awesome experience. The exchange rate is INSANE here right now, everything is so cheap. So, tomorrow is shopping for bad clothing day. There are so many strange t-shirts here with English that makes no sense. I also recently discovered that there is a supermarket close to my house, so, all I do is get goiaba juice. Goiaba=gauva=the most refreshing thing in the world, personally.

Today, I went with Karina to grab lunch at the Bosque and stare at the bamboo everywhere. It's very cool, it is a mini-zoo, in a way, but it is great to grab lunch and go, look at the monkeys, the manatee (which is quite depressing actually), and walk around in. There's even a cave you can walk through and look at bats in. It's cool. One of the things about Belem I actually like. Then I proceeded to get ice cream across the road with Megan and Jacob before going to Neil's to work on the Mini-ISP. So, full circle. Tonight I need to write up my section and keep plugging along at the reading for my actual ISP. The more I talk about community based participatory environmental health, the more excited I get. There's a chapter in, Citizens, Experts, and the Environment, the book I mentioned about the concept of "popular epidemiology" that I can't wait to get to. Despite how boring and same-old-same-old life can feel once we are stuck in a schedule here in Belem, I feel more passionate about actually doing something with my life than I do at Bard. And thus why talking to Maura tonight was so cool, because it keeps coming up and coming up and coming up: I blame Robert Weston for making me obsessed with the "gift relationship". But it is everywhere! The whole book by Marcel Mauss, The Gift, is all about this one simple concept that one finds in everything from archaic society to modern states: I give, so that you give, and that the giving of a gift demands reciprocity. Simple but everywhere. I say hi to you, with some intent that the next time you see me, you will say hi too. If the structure of my society allows me to go off to college and study whatever I want while there are people who would take full advantage of the college experience but can't, then don't I have some obligation to return that, in some way? At least, that's what she seemed to think in reference to the Brazilian education system, but it holds the same water in the United States too.

There is so much to think about here.

Oh I Can Feel It

How on earth do I sum up the past three weeks through Amazonas and Para?

Well, I guess I can begin by telling you all that I feel content in knowing this whole experience is having a large affect on me, and I can feel myself changing, while at the same time getting to really know myself, and be quite comfortable with who I am. In talking to my closest friend here, we've been talking about how to sum up what had the biggest affect on us over the past few weeks, and that it is probably the more mundane little moments that have done the most. So, I guess I'll just try to tell a few stories the best I can.

In general, I spent a lot of time on a boat with 21 other students, most of the time doing nothing, which terrifies me. So, it was good to confront that, in a way, so I feel like that alone made the three weeks worth it. But it also was amazing just seeing things like the meeting of the waters on the left there. The meeting of the waters is probably one of the most mind blowing things I saw between Manaus and Belem. The Rio Negro, black water, and the Rio Solimoes, white water, come together near Manaus and drift side by side without really mixing for around 6 kilometers. We got to go swimming in it.

But I'm getting ahead of myself there. A week before getting on our 6 night boat trip, we each spent 4 days in a rural community along a tributary of the Rio Negro in Jau National Park in Manaus. The fact that we lived with a ribeirinho family that lived, technically illegally by IBAMA, in a national forest reserve, should be interesting enough. Initially, Brazil followed the US conservation model: designate an area as natural, and put a fence around it. The problem is, there aren't a lot of places in the world free of the human hand, it's just that in the United States we ended up forcing all the traditional communities off of their land into little tiny reservations. Brazil instead has to face and live with the reality of how there is no such thing as human free nature, and thus you get reserve programs that suddenly mark off land like the Jau National Park as a human free zone, and suddenly ban the activities of the communities such as the one my host family was a part of have been accustomed to doing for years, such as being able to sell the fish and game that they hunt. Coming into the community along the river, we were all given a number of questions to have answered at some point over the course of the homestay period. Some were very simple structural things such as how many people were in the house, what they did for a living, etc. Others couldn't really be deduced from observation, with such questions as "What is your vision of nature, conservation, quality of life, etc". Now, initially I was somewhat nervous about such things, about being imposing, but found that it was a really good anthro-ish experience, because I felt really good at it, very casual about it. I feel like in general I can be someone who people feel more or less comfortable opening up around. My family consisted of Leo, my dad, Nubia, my mom, Neto, my 6 yr old brother, Ana Paula, my 2 yr old sister, and my 14 year old brother who was never really in the house. I spent most of my time with Leo. He works the summer in the fishing-tourism industry, but the rest of the time teaches at the elementary school in the village and fishes for dinner and such. The whole experience was very communal, but also just very fun.

I suppose coming into the whole experience I had a very academic-problem-oriented approach. I do so much reading for class on political economy structural analysis, basically looking at overarching political or economic policies and such and how they impinge on the everyday actions of local communities. It's a great tool for something like, the impact of conservation policy on rural communities...or is it? You see, that whole mindset in general assumes that those policies will have a determining affect on the people one is looking at. While I would in no way deny that IBAMA's illegalization of selling game and fish is based on a culturally skewed image of nature, at the same time, it wasn't as if this community's life was dominated by the concern over not being able to sell fish to the wider market. It was something of the opposite. People were very humble, and very happy. Of course the village had it's problems. Medical and communications infrastructure was lacking; if you had a real medical emergency, you'd have to travel by motor boat to the nearest town, which would take a while. There also wasn't much direct connection to the outside world, in terms of internet or phones. Most people had relatives in Manaus who were their basic link with what was going on, but, in the end, like I said, its being happy that matters. Would you be surprised if I told you I spent each night in the community just sitting around with everyone watching American movies like the Last Legion in Portuguese? Everything academic is always looking for so much hidden, "deeper" meaning, but to be honest, it is right there in front of your nose, as you pull up another tucunare fish from the varzea flooded forests in Leo's canoe, or as you try and peel the black sticky residue from washing manioc for farinha off of your hands. I think I learned more about the nature of life in a few days doing nothing more than fishing and laughing than I do in months reading through articles and books at school.

Coming back then, from being so immersed in my host family's everyday life, to being on a boat full of people, was an interesting transition, just as is being back in Belem right now. I felt very refreshed and renewed, which I can also say the same for my current state. From the rural homestay, we spent another night on boat number one, and spent the whole day just traveling back to Novo Airao, where our bus took us back to Manaus for another night before we switched onto our long-period boat. Boats are amazing, and I'm really considering doing my ISP on the Projecto de Saude e Alegria and their medical hospital boat that travels along the Santarem region portion of the Amazon, providing much needed curative medical care to communities (they already have an incredibly successful preventative medical system in place with water treatment). I'm also somewhat in love with sleeping in a hammock. At night, having the wind whip around while the boat basically rocks you to sleep, is one of the more perfect experiences you can ask for. Plus, nothing beats the typical cup of coffee while you sit on the front on the boat, occasionally seeing river dolphins poke their spout out of the water.

The boat itself was quite an experience. A lot of sitting around, reading, and reflecting. Not about things I can really put into words, but it was good for me as a whole. A lot of little conversations here and there as you stare out at the never ending waves or rows of trees you pass by. You end up taking a lot of time to just be by yourself,think, and stare out at sunsets and such. Some of my time just consisted of sitting on the back of the boat with a friend or two just talking about life, what matters most to us, and where we see life taking us. It's little things like these that I think give you such a huge insight into life, or at least, into what drives us and makes us who we are. I think, perhaps, I finally somewhat get myself. Perhaps K put it well: I'm quite calm, but capable of large amounts of anger/passion/whatever you want to call it. I accept that I am quiet, and that I speak only when I feel I really need to, but that I am smart, and am articulate, and can embrace that and feel strong again.

The rest of the trip for me consisted of several lectures I wasn't really that into, such as a lot of biogeochemical cycling that I don't quite understand. Lots of walking through forests. The other day, in looking at temperature in a forest near Santarem, we got to go up to the research station...50 meters in the air. All the way up to the canopy. I don't have pictures, but my friends Ups does, and they are really something else. Besides that, Santarem was very nice, I'm torn if I like it or Manaus better, both have a very refined somewhat clean feel to them that Belem just doesn't really have. The last few days we have just been staying at the hotel in Santarem. We had a person from the Health and Happiness Project come visit us before we left the boat, which basically convinced me I want to do my ISP with them. They are such a strong organization. They come into these communities, and work within the culture of the community to provide what the community wants them to provide. As a rule, the communities ask for the help of the PSA, they don't do what so many other aid institutions do where they just sort of come in and say, "you need our help". It's much more democratic than that. They work to empower citizens to become their own experts, which I am all about right now. Once they feel the community has everything in their own hands, they leave. The whole point is to empower these communities and the individuals that compose them to be self sufficient, or what Artuto Escobar would outline as being culturally autonomous. Right now I am reading Citizens, Experts, and the Environment by Frank Fischer for my ISP literature, and it is all about taking the power from elite experts into the hands of citizens, and that a true knowledge and understanding of the world can no longer only be from the privileged expert point of view, but must also take into account the local knowledge of everyday persons, who themselves have their own form of understanding about how things operate that the lens of expert vision often misses out on. After all, how many countless disasters, from science and technology themselves, have been born from the expert view of the world? It is acting as a really good frame of reference for thinking about the Health and Happiness Project, but at the same time my mind is constantly focused on home and how I can apply the same principles of empowerment without pretension in the US and near my community. I'm trying to brainstorm ideas for a tutorial on Applied Medical Anthropology in Ecological Perspective for back at Bard, who knows.

The past few nights have been really relaxing and fun, consisting of just walking around the city with a few friends, stopping in at bars, eating dinner, or just chatting while staring out at the stars and river. Good things. There's so much more that happened on this trip that I don't really know how to explain or put into words. Just little realizations and epiphanies here and there, some of which I think I've been able to explain, but others not. The other day, we met with a priest here in Santarem about the struggle against the soy giant, Cargill. He said something that has been on mind mind greatly: "This is what the system does, and you, you students, you need to come here, to Brazil, to see what that system does". For a while here I've been struggling with why exactly I am coming all the way down to Brazil as a gringo to work with disadvantaged communities when there is so much of that just close by in Philly. I know I want to do something like that in the US when I get back, maybe work with the Philly Hunger Project, or the American Red Cross, but at the same time, the world isn't isolated into local clusters. What we do up in PA or NY has direct affects that I am able to see here in Brazil. Last week we did our second Mini-ISP in the town of Juruti. Mine was focused on the topic of healthcare. Juruti, before 2000, was a small little town. In 2000, ALCOA, the American Aluminium giant, moved in to start mining operations, pushing thousands of people from access to former hunting/fishing grounds. The town experienced a huge population boom, brining more jobs and infrastructure to the region, but, also brought along increased industrial pressure, air pollution, prostitution, and heavy drug use. Doing a qualitative research project was a really good experience. We asked more or less 30 people, as a group of 5, about how health care has changed in Juruti since 2000, if it has at all. We got that people who actually lived in the town beforehand thought health had gotten somewhat better, as ALCOA has funded the building of more clinics and hospitals, whereas most newcomers to the city thought it was horrible, and many spoke of the respiratory problems and lack of specialized doctors. I decided, quite proudly, to do all my interviews on my own, with my sub-par Portuguese, and I was able to do 6 interviews on my own. Pretty awesome. But its projects like these, or in Santarem with soy, where you can't argue to just have everything done local. Granted, the majority of the struggle should come from the area affected, but, at the same time, its us in America who control the economic interests of these companies. In other words, we are the ones living where the system strives the most, and thus we do have some responsibility to make those chains of connection from here to Brazil to be responsible in what we consume, buy, and invest in. As one of the members of the association against ALCOA told us on the boat, "Please go back to America and tell people about what is happening". Think about that the next time you go to buy aluminum foil. Or soy.

There is so much to be passionate about. On the bus to the FLONA forest, a bunch of us were talking about what we could see each other doing in the next couple years. I think my friend and I came to a conclusion about me that I feel is pretty accurate:
Right now, I feel that research for the sake or academia or just research isn't enough. This semester has shown me that I find anthropology/sociology to be very relevant and important, but, I don't think it should really be done on its own. I felt so uncomfortable just going up to people asking them about health in Juruti knowing that whatever I heard would be useless. Their time to answer some questions had no other point than to show a bunch of foreign students what the research project is like. I can't imagine doing fieldwork knowing that all the research I did would have very little effect to better the people in the community. All that might happen is I end up writing a clever and witty book on them. And while that might spur some sort of political action or consciousness, I don't think that is enough on its own right, something that Fischer points out is more of an overall problem of the social science tradition in general, but still applies to anthropological research. Most social sciences seem to be concerned with the creation of that consciousness to such issues, but do no target firm stances or ways to bring closure to such issues. The principle of reciprocity in fieldwork is probably of utmost importance to me. But I know it can be done right. In Search of Respect by Philippe Bourgois is about crack dealers in NYC where, in the end, he does outline a number of policy solutions that could take place. Paul Farmer is both medical doctor/public health agent and anthropologist, and it works. I could see myself doing some sort of applied/advocacy work here in the US, perhaps in conjuncture with community empowerment, working to make people their own experts as Fischer talks about, and doing maybe, maybe one day, something along the lines of environmental epidemiology or ecological public health. That way, you go beyond studying people with little intention of giving back, to having that be a crucial part of research design in the first place. It is all about community. The possibilities excite me, and a part of me just can't wait to get back to Bard to engage my professors and the school's resources to see what I can really do. Oh...and maybe, just maybe, a long time from now, once I am older, perhaps going back to be a professor would be a very strong possibility. Something where you could not only teach to college students, but also do some sort of policy-education, helping the policy officials better understand what the people need and want. If anthropology does anything of importance, at the front of it is it's insistence of making us see the world as others see it, in their own terms. When it comes to policy, to helping a group of people, what else could be more important than trying to understand how those people function and construct their reality?

When I was getting ready to leave for Brazil, the whole meeting of the waters thing was so far off, and now, its already happened. The whole vortex idea I mentioned earlier is working. I know it is, I can feel myself with a purpose now. Good bye being jaded. I feel stronger, in general, and it's cool. I feel like myself, or at least, the person I've always know is in me, but just takes sometime to come out. It feels so nice to feel so renewed, awakened. I can't even imagine how I will feel when I get back from ISP. But I imagine the answer to be "good", at the very least. SIT has been by no means perfect, and there has been plenty of ups and downs. But as an experience, it has been fantastic and mind-blowing, in a very subtle way. By the way, that picture there is of a beach we got to swim in on the middle of the river. So many amazing things, from big to mundane, happened on this trip. In one sense it is nice to be back in Belem and have some down time, but on another it is so nice to be in constant movement. I like this whole not being grounded thing, it is so liberating. Yes, that's the correct word for the past three weeks. Liberating.