I suggest listening to it at least once. It's slow, chill, calm, and knows what it wants.
My excursion to the South of Para was a really interesting one, and a large contrast to the entire Manaus journey. The South is an area ripped open by violence over land reform. Agrarian issues are at its highest priority, at the root of which is the need for people to protect their families and way of life. These range from cooperatives to help rural farmers secure land title, associations working to preserve the human dignity of communities displaced by the building of large hydroelectric damming projects, to the Landless Workers Movement's original Para settlement in Palmares II. It is a place where memory is not taken for granted, in a land where so many are forgotten, cast aside, or forced out of history's lens of vision. The face of development and the race to utilize the fruits of the land overpowers the very people who make up the life of the region. Large mining companies strip away iron and coal by the tons per day, and yet, it's the economic demand in the industrialized nations that fuels the system. Who is to blame?
Tucurui Dam is the worlds third largest hydroelectric dam in existence, soon to be knocked
down to #4 once the Three Gorges Dam in China is completed, and perhaps lowered to #5 when the Belomonte Dam here in Brazil on the Xingu River is built. That doesn't do anything to detract from its immense size. It provides hydroelectric energy all over Brazil, both advancing the human condition and detracting from it at the same time. The whole entire process is a paradox. It also provides all of the mining operations in nearby Carajas with their fuel supply. We visited Jacunda Nova, the community that has reassembled itself after Jacunda Velha was flooded with the initial construction of Tucurui. We were able to hear from one of the association's spokesperson on the struggle to obtain basic human rights from Electronorte, the Brazilian Energy company in charge of Tucurui. Since this man had begun the fight, already 12 of his friends had been killed due to the struggle. 12 people. That he personally knew
. Not to count all the families that were forced off of their property, either with or without any warning from the company, about the incoming waters. And yet, the man was so...casual about it. "Yeah, 12 of my friends have died". But there's the difference. Not that it is "normal" here...but that there is something more valuable than life that these people struggle for. And that is what I have a hard time grasping. I'm able to see what that principle is, I'm able to say they are fighting for dignity, for rights, and above all, for freedom and liberty, but...I can't feel what those things are.It was
n't until we went to visit the Eldorado Massacre Memorial along the side of the highway on our way to our rural homestay that this really hit and bothered me, bothered me that I couldn't honestly grasp what would be so important that you would sacrifice yourself. Your family, friends, everyone, would never see you ever again, but more than that is the fact that they would understand exactly what is is you were fighting for, and why. And they would probably do the very same thing. In 1996, I believe, the violence in the south over agrarian reform reached its limit as a group of rural workers fighting for their land were shot by the military. I can't put into words how this place made me feel.Thus, transitioning from that experience to living with the MST community of Palamres II, the first success story of the MST in Para, was weird. My family was nice, for the most part. My two sisters were very kind and welcoming to me, and talked to me a good
deal. My father and mother took more time to warm up to me, but I think that was because this community has has American students living with them every semester for 12 years now. So, unlike our first experience with the ribeirinho families, we were nothing new. My host brothers didn't talk to me the entire time. Oh well. I spent most of my time with various people's families, on and off feeling like it was a crappy experience to feeling like it was a great experience. I did some capoeira, learned some Brazilian dances, swam in a waterfall, talked to Brazilian children, fell down a road and became the town spectacle for 3 days, talked to my father about MST and capitalism, learned that most of my sister's friends are Marxist, read Lenin and Che, and are vegetarians, amongst other things. When it was time to go and return with the group, I was ready, even though I'll miss my sisters and some of the experiences along the way.We spent the day up in Serra Azul and the surrounding region in the Carajas National Forest to basically take a day to deco
mpress after the heavy several days. Gustavo tried to force learning experiences, we didn't abide. We spent most of the day at a small waterfall. Probably not the best thing for the cuts and scrapes covering my legs. But whatever. It was one of the more magical moments of being in Brazil. Afterwards, we visited several caves with archaeological remains in the National Forest, some of which are being destroyed by Vale, the mining company. Vale has the world's largest iron mining operation in the world here. Without a permit from IBAMA. But nobody really cares. Except from the thousands of workers with deteriorating health conditions. Or the workers who are more or less put into debt peonage to work in these mines, in conditions that equate to human slavery under the aviamento system. Oh the world...I just want to work under environmental justice, environmental/occupational/ecosystem health, and community based participatory research. It's all about empowering people to lead their own lives, in the end. I'm very excited for the opportunity to work wit
h PSA on this topic. No matter what I do, it will be the most satisfying experience of my life. I'm ready, I feel, to be alone and face my fears.But honestly, most of what I learned in the whole 10 days was about myself, spent in long van rides, sitting alone in my MST room, or reflecting to my iPod. Learning about the things about myself I don't like, and the things I need to change. I was talking to my friend here about the whole thing. "Do you feel like you have changed here so far?"
Certainly.
I have the image in my head of the person I know I have the potential to be, who comes out now and then here in Brazil, like the person I knew in various points in my life. The point now is to figure out those small steps to get their. But having that image and knowing it is real is good enough. I feel like I know who I am, more or less.
I am a genuinely nice person. I try my very hardest to be non-judgmental, to see things from other people's points of view and to try to understand where they are coming from. Being raised as a Quaker, I believe that there is good in everyone to some extent, and so I give people the benefit of the doubt often. I am patient, and don't mind taking people's problems on or letting them vent, because I understand that everyone just needs that sometimes. Yet, my friend asked the right question. She used to be
the same way, and would try hard at everything she did, in all of her relationships, and invest a lot in people. Then one day, her friend turned to her and said, "You let everyone step all over you. Why do you try? Why does it even matter?" I give people a lot of chances. Too many. There is no reason to be so patient with the world when the same people will take that gift and reverse is as an opportunity to take advantage of you. It's not that I don't stand up for myself...it's that I hope people will be as good as I hope they can be. I suppose people are just really out for their own interest and aren't interested in reciprocating that generosity.It's a matter of me just having more faith in myself instead, and being able to know that just because somebody is stubborn, it doesn't make them right at all. On the contrary, they're probably just being more closed minded. And if thats how they will be, then so be it. I also finally feel like I have something worth getting angry about, worth fighting about, and worth pursuing. As I sat out on my MST family's porch waiting for my family to wake up on the last morning there, I just sat and thought about what I really want to do with my life. And what makes me happy. Enough about always putting everyone else's happiness first. I can't help other people be happy if I am miserable. That's not to say I should discard other people; that would be impossible for me. I just need to remember that I am not responsible for how people chose to react. It is possible they are just being rude, or closed minded, or overreacting.
I just want to own a boat, living in a little port town or city in the US, maybe travel for work now and then, and work on health risks revolving around water, aquatic ecology, contaminants, and community empowerment and education.
Overall, the trip was good. Lots of time in vans. We played a game called Essences, which I think will be fun to share. One person thinks of a person in the group, and everyone else in the van has to ask questions such as, "what kind of Disney character would they be", "what kind of animal would they be", etc, and the person gives the response they think sums up that person, and then you all have to guess who they are thinking of. It was a fun little way to see how people perceive you. I feel like at least a few of my friends here know me pretty well:
Animal: the friendly muddy adopted brown dog that everyone loves
Natural disaster: a strong wind storm
Pokemon: Marowak
Planet: Mars
Fruit: a perfectly ripe apple
Tree: birch/beech tree
Type of desert: rocky with cliffs
Cake/Pie: coconut cream pie, but more coconut than cream
Aquatic creature: black tipped reef shark
Human made environmental degradation: car exhaust runoff
There's more, I can't remember. As a whole, I thought this was a good trip. I'll remember sitting around with friends in Maraba stuffing our faces with acai. Long van rides curled up with everyone sharing iPods. Swimming in waterfalls. Feeling angry at life and economics. Not understanding how anyone can call science and technology neutral and objective when they lead to these enormous extractive projects that bring about countless ecological and health hazards. Feeling like I understand myself. Feeling happy at the same time, while having no idea what is going on. Living completely in the present, without thought about future or past. Letting the moment take hold. Independence. Realizing that being on a boat in a river drinking a cup of coffee sitting silently with a friend is one of the most beautiful and enjoyable things I can ever do. Realizing that everything, in the end, works out fine. It's all going to be alright. Knowing that I feel some kind of calling, and that I am the sort of person who will find a way to make it all work, and do it right. Seeing so many butterflies. Feeling like I have the respect of some people here, but more importantly, I feel like I respect myself for beginning to understand the importance of giving myself time and credit to myself. For sometimes realizing that I need to put myself first.
I don't want to save the world. I've never been that kind of person. But I feel like I know what I can contribute to do my part and to give back. Because even if most of the world doesn't give back who should, I know I will. I feel very calm and collected right now. Things are right. Even if they actually aren't. It's ok. In the end, people want their stories told. Not so they can be neatly fitted into some abstract social theory, but so that people can understand and see, to take away social invisibility, and recognize what the things we view as normal do elsewhere in the world. Or maybe not even elsewhere, but very close by. I want to read Haruki Murakami's Underground. It is a collection of stories he put together from 60 interviews after
the Aum Shinrikyo sarin gas attack on the Tokyo subway, along with a few of his own reflections. I think people need someone to tell their stories, especially when they are not really in a position to do so. Of course, there needs to be more than that. It can't be academic, because nobody reads those. And thats the whole point.
I'm rambling again. Sorry. It felt really good to hear that my wrestling paper had an actual impact on somebody's life, and was able to put into words what somebody felt they try to accomplish. So that didn't effect some policy or anything, but it affected somebody's life. That's what being a writer is all about. Besides, as I see here in Brazil, not everything can be reduced to a policy change. And even if it could be...it probably wouldn't actually do much. Because not much really gets enforced anyway. It's community organization, grassroots, and...no, it's not. It's more than that, and not as pretentious. It's about people being happy. Finding ways to express themselves, feeling empowered and heard, and finding their own strength inside of them, or that comes from being a part of something bigger, or something like that. I'll see it during my PSA project, I know it. I need to get into art again. I feel free.
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