Oh I Can Feel It

How on earth do I sum up the past three weeks through Amazonas and Para?

Well, I guess I can begin by telling you all that I feel content in knowing this whole experience is having a large affect on me, and I can feel myself changing, while at the same time getting to really know myself, and be quite comfortable with who I am. In talking to my closest friend here, we've been talking about how to sum up what had the biggest affect on us over the past few weeks, and that it is probably the more mundane little moments that have done the most. So, I guess I'll just try to tell a few stories the best I can.

In general, I spent a lot of time on a boat with 21 other students, most of the time doing nothing, which terrifies me. So, it was good to confront that, in a way, so I feel like that alone made the three weeks worth it. But it also was amazing just seeing things like the meeting of the waters on the left there. The meeting of the waters is probably one of the most mind blowing things I saw between Manaus and Belem. The Rio Negro, black water, and the Rio Solimoes, white water, come together near Manaus and drift side by side without really mixing for around 6 kilometers. We got to go swimming in it.

But I'm getting ahead of myself there. A week before getting on our 6 night boat trip, we each spent 4 days in a rural community along a tributary of the Rio Negro in Jau National Park in Manaus. The fact that we lived with a ribeirinho family that lived, technically illegally by IBAMA, in a national forest reserve, should be interesting enough. Initially, Brazil followed the US conservation model: designate an area as natural, and put a fence around it. The problem is, there aren't a lot of places in the world free of the human hand, it's just that in the United States we ended up forcing all the traditional communities off of their land into little tiny reservations. Brazil instead has to face and live with the reality of how there is no such thing as human free nature, and thus you get reserve programs that suddenly mark off land like the Jau National Park as a human free zone, and suddenly ban the activities of the communities such as the one my host family was a part of have been accustomed to doing for years, such as being able to sell the fish and game that they hunt. Coming into the community along the river, we were all given a number of questions to have answered at some point over the course of the homestay period. Some were very simple structural things such as how many people were in the house, what they did for a living, etc. Others couldn't really be deduced from observation, with such questions as "What is your vision of nature, conservation, quality of life, etc". Now, initially I was somewhat nervous about such things, about being imposing, but found that it was a really good anthro-ish experience, because I felt really good at it, very casual about it. I feel like in general I can be someone who people feel more or less comfortable opening up around. My family consisted of Leo, my dad, Nubia, my mom, Neto, my 6 yr old brother, Ana Paula, my 2 yr old sister, and my 14 year old brother who was never really in the house. I spent most of my time with Leo. He works the summer in the fishing-tourism industry, but the rest of the time teaches at the elementary school in the village and fishes for dinner and such. The whole experience was very communal, but also just very fun.

I suppose coming into the whole experience I had a very academic-problem-oriented approach. I do so much reading for class on political economy structural analysis, basically looking at overarching political or economic policies and such and how they impinge on the everyday actions of local communities. It's a great tool for something like, the impact of conservation policy on rural communities...or is it? You see, that whole mindset in general assumes that those policies will have a determining affect on the people one is looking at. While I would in no way deny that IBAMA's illegalization of selling game and fish is based on a culturally skewed image of nature, at the same time, it wasn't as if this community's life was dominated by the concern over not being able to sell fish to the wider market. It was something of the opposite. People were very humble, and very happy. Of course the village had it's problems. Medical and communications infrastructure was lacking; if you had a real medical emergency, you'd have to travel by motor boat to the nearest town, which would take a while. There also wasn't much direct connection to the outside world, in terms of internet or phones. Most people had relatives in Manaus who were their basic link with what was going on, but, in the end, like I said, its being happy that matters. Would you be surprised if I told you I spent each night in the community just sitting around with everyone watching American movies like the Last Legion in Portuguese? Everything academic is always looking for so much hidden, "deeper" meaning, but to be honest, it is right there in front of your nose, as you pull up another tucunare fish from the varzea flooded forests in Leo's canoe, or as you try and peel the black sticky residue from washing manioc for farinha off of your hands. I think I learned more about the nature of life in a few days doing nothing more than fishing and laughing than I do in months reading through articles and books at school.

Coming back then, from being so immersed in my host family's everyday life, to being on a boat full of people, was an interesting transition, just as is being back in Belem right now. I felt very refreshed and renewed, which I can also say the same for my current state. From the rural homestay, we spent another night on boat number one, and spent the whole day just traveling back to Novo Airao, where our bus took us back to Manaus for another night before we switched onto our long-period boat. Boats are amazing, and I'm really considering doing my ISP on the Projecto de Saude e Alegria and their medical hospital boat that travels along the Santarem region portion of the Amazon, providing much needed curative medical care to communities (they already have an incredibly successful preventative medical system in place with water treatment). I'm also somewhat in love with sleeping in a hammock. At night, having the wind whip around while the boat basically rocks you to sleep, is one of the more perfect experiences you can ask for. Plus, nothing beats the typical cup of coffee while you sit on the front on the boat, occasionally seeing river dolphins poke their spout out of the water.

The boat itself was quite an experience. A lot of sitting around, reading, and reflecting. Not about things I can really put into words, but it was good for me as a whole. A lot of little conversations here and there as you stare out at the never ending waves or rows of trees you pass by. You end up taking a lot of time to just be by yourself,think, and stare out at sunsets and such. Some of my time just consisted of sitting on the back of the boat with a friend or two just talking about life, what matters most to us, and where we see life taking us. It's little things like these that I think give you such a huge insight into life, or at least, into what drives us and makes us who we are. I think, perhaps, I finally somewhat get myself. Perhaps K put it well: I'm quite calm, but capable of large amounts of anger/passion/whatever you want to call it. I accept that I am quiet, and that I speak only when I feel I really need to, but that I am smart, and am articulate, and can embrace that and feel strong again.

The rest of the trip for me consisted of several lectures I wasn't really that into, such as a lot of biogeochemical cycling that I don't quite understand. Lots of walking through forests. The other day, in looking at temperature in a forest near Santarem, we got to go up to the research station...50 meters in the air. All the way up to the canopy. I don't have pictures, but my friends Ups does, and they are really something else. Besides that, Santarem was very nice, I'm torn if I like it or Manaus better, both have a very refined somewhat clean feel to them that Belem just doesn't really have. The last few days we have just been staying at the hotel in Santarem. We had a person from the Health and Happiness Project come visit us before we left the boat, which basically convinced me I want to do my ISP with them. They are such a strong organization. They come into these communities, and work within the culture of the community to provide what the community wants them to provide. As a rule, the communities ask for the help of the PSA, they don't do what so many other aid institutions do where they just sort of come in and say, "you need our help". It's much more democratic than that. They work to empower citizens to become their own experts, which I am all about right now. Once they feel the community has everything in their own hands, they leave. The whole point is to empower these communities and the individuals that compose them to be self sufficient, or what Artuto Escobar would outline as being culturally autonomous. Right now I am reading Citizens, Experts, and the Environment by Frank Fischer for my ISP literature, and it is all about taking the power from elite experts into the hands of citizens, and that a true knowledge and understanding of the world can no longer only be from the privileged expert point of view, but must also take into account the local knowledge of everyday persons, who themselves have their own form of understanding about how things operate that the lens of expert vision often misses out on. After all, how many countless disasters, from science and technology themselves, have been born from the expert view of the world? It is acting as a really good frame of reference for thinking about the Health and Happiness Project, but at the same time my mind is constantly focused on home and how I can apply the same principles of empowerment without pretension in the US and near my community. I'm trying to brainstorm ideas for a tutorial on Applied Medical Anthropology in Ecological Perspective for back at Bard, who knows.

The past few nights have been really relaxing and fun, consisting of just walking around the city with a few friends, stopping in at bars, eating dinner, or just chatting while staring out at the stars and river. Good things. There's so much more that happened on this trip that I don't really know how to explain or put into words. Just little realizations and epiphanies here and there, some of which I think I've been able to explain, but others not. The other day, we met with a priest here in Santarem about the struggle against the soy giant, Cargill. He said something that has been on mind mind greatly: "This is what the system does, and you, you students, you need to come here, to Brazil, to see what that system does". For a while here I've been struggling with why exactly I am coming all the way down to Brazil as a gringo to work with disadvantaged communities when there is so much of that just close by in Philly. I know I want to do something like that in the US when I get back, maybe work with the Philly Hunger Project, or the American Red Cross, but at the same time, the world isn't isolated into local clusters. What we do up in PA or NY has direct affects that I am able to see here in Brazil. Last week we did our second Mini-ISP in the town of Juruti. Mine was focused on the topic of healthcare. Juruti, before 2000, was a small little town. In 2000, ALCOA, the American Aluminium giant, moved in to start mining operations, pushing thousands of people from access to former hunting/fishing grounds. The town experienced a huge population boom, brining more jobs and infrastructure to the region, but, also brought along increased industrial pressure, air pollution, prostitution, and heavy drug use. Doing a qualitative research project was a really good experience. We asked more or less 30 people, as a group of 5, about how health care has changed in Juruti since 2000, if it has at all. We got that people who actually lived in the town beforehand thought health had gotten somewhat better, as ALCOA has funded the building of more clinics and hospitals, whereas most newcomers to the city thought it was horrible, and many spoke of the respiratory problems and lack of specialized doctors. I decided, quite proudly, to do all my interviews on my own, with my sub-par Portuguese, and I was able to do 6 interviews on my own. Pretty awesome. But its projects like these, or in Santarem with soy, where you can't argue to just have everything done local. Granted, the majority of the struggle should come from the area affected, but, at the same time, its us in America who control the economic interests of these companies. In other words, we are the ones living where the system strives the most, and thus we do have some responsibility to make those chains of connection from here to Brazil to be responsible in what we consume, buy, and invest in. As one of the members of the association against ALCOA told us on the boat, "Please go back to America and tell people about what is happening". Think about that the next time you go to buy aluminum foil. Or soy.

There is so much to be passionate about. On the bus to the FLONA forest, a bunch of us were talking about what we could see each other doing in the next couple years. I think my friend and I came to a conclusion about me that I feel is pretty accurate:
Right now, I feel that research for the sake or academia or just research isn't enough. This semester has shown me that I find anthropology/sociology to be very relevant and important, but, I don't think it should really be done on its own. I felt so uncomfortable just going up to people asking them about health in Juruti knowing that whatever I heard would be useless. Their time to answer some questions had no other point than to show a bunch of foreign students what the research project is like. I can't imagine doing fieldwork knowing that all the research I did would have very little effect to better the people in the community. All that might happen is I end up writing a clever and witty book on them. And while that might spur some sort of political action or consciousness, I don't think that is enough on its own right, something that Fischer points out is more of an overall problem of the social science tradition in general, but still applies to anthropological research. Most social sciences seem to be concerned with the creation of that consciousness to such issues, but do no target firm stances or ways to bring closure to such issues. The principle of reciprocity in fieldwork is probably of utmost importance to me. But I know it can be done right. In Search of Respect by Philippe Bourgois is about crack dealers in NYC where, in the end, he does outline a number of policy solutions that could take place. Paul Farmer is both medical doctor/public health agent and anthropologist, and it works. I could see myself doing some sort of applied/advocacy work here in the US, perhaps in conjuncture with community empowerment, working to make people their own experts as Fischer talks about, and doing maybe, maybe one day, something along the lines of environmental epidemiology or ecological public health. That way, you go beyond studying people with little intention of giving back, to having that be a crucial part of research design in the first place. It is all about community. The possibilities excite me, and a part of me just can't wait to get back to Bard to engage my professors and the school's resources to see what I can really do. Oh...and maybe, just maybe, a long time from now, once I am older, perhaps going back to be a professor would be a very strong possibility. Something where you could not only teach to college students, but also do some sort of policy-education, helping the policy officials better understand what the people need and want. If anthropology does anything of importance, at the front of it is it's insistence of making us see the world as others see it, in their own terms. When it comes to policy, to helping a group of people, what else could be more important than trying to understand how those people function and construct their reality?

When I was getting ready to leave for Brazil, the whole meeting of the waters thing was so far off, and now, its already happened. The whole vortex idea I mentioned earlier is working. I know it is, I can feel myself with a purpose now. Good bye being jaded. I feel stronger, in general, and it's cool. I feel like myself, or at least, the person I've always know is in me, but just takes sometime to come out. It feels so nice to feel so renewed, awakened. I can't even imagine how I will feel when I get back from ISP. But I imagine the answer to be "good", at the very least. SIT has been by no means perfect, and there has been plenty of ups and downs. But as an experience, it has been fantastic and mind-blowing, in a very subtle way. By the way, that picture there is of a beach we got to swim in on the middle of the river. So many amazing things, from big to mundane, happened on this trip. In one sense it is nice to be back in Belem and have some down time, but on another it is so nice to be in constant movement. I like this whole not being grounded thing, it is so liberating. Yes, that's the correct word for the past three weeks. Liberating.