another new year.
tomorrow i leave for my ecosystem ecology course at cary. im excited, although a little bummed that the process to apply for credit was so burdensome. at least i can put it on my transcript. besides, im more excited about just learning about this stuff anyway.
break's been an interesting time. ive been feeling for sure whatever kind of culture shock depression there is. its more of missing the kind of life i had in brazil, that kind of go with the flow independence that one just doesnt quite have living in the suburbs . i also miss constant change, and back at home its all too easy to drift back into the daily grind and routine. which ive tried to mix up here and there, but i think ive been feeling some of what i gained slipping, so, its time to be on the move again and throw myself in to something random. a graduate level ecology course sounds just about right, and comes at a good time. although, the trade off is that i really havent seen much of some people from home, and thats not great. theres still so much to catch up on. and i want to tell people all about brazil and my experience but...one can't just do it all at once. ive tried...and i think it just loses a lot in translation. or at least, when i give the typical overview of my semester, to me at least it doesnt sound all that exciting. i think its like my friend maisha said, "dont tell me about it all at once. ill find out in little stories throughout next semester". and i think thats a good way to approach it. im pretty nostalgic for it though. as much as it was frustrating at times, it was good to get through to the other side. and i do feel different for it, it most atmospheres. when im surrounded by friends i can feel a different me. or just this feeling of warmth and strength inside that ive felt missing for a while.
right now i am starting to apply for internships and put together my resume. im giving myself a month to get applications and cover letters in. i do believe i have a general idea of what i want to work on. and i think i might know what lights me up. but im not sure. im sure being back at bard will rekindle that spark. my friend told me about this quote thats been haunting me:
"don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. and then go and do that. because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
i dont know who it is by. brazil made me think so much about one's obligation to one's community, and made me see what some communities really do need, what sorts of help really is important. but at the same time, who decides who to help whom? if i am in america, living in the suburbs of pennsylvania or the little town of red hook in new york, who is to say that i should or should not work with those communities or with some group that works with amazonian communities in the tapajos? where is my obligation to help, to give back? what if what really makes one come alive isnt in their home, but far away? or what if it isnt even what those communities need? but if it makes me come alive...im not making much sense, just trying to sort something out in my mind. i know what is important is grassroots bottom-up organizing, capacity building, environmental education. but i know the arts, culture, self expression, is also important. all things contribute to a holistic vision of health. making a healthy ecosystem is conducive to good health. but so is giving people the tools and power to address these problems in a political sense. but so is helping people express their thoughts, worries, fears, hopes, dreams, on a piece of paper, with words, with paint, with mediums. whether i work as a writer (vonnegut had a great quote about writing, "why bother? i feel and think as much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not. you are not alone"), somebody who works within capacity building, or somebody who works in the amazing new field of eco-epidemiology-ish, it all works towards the same end. which makes looking for internships so difficult.
Collegiate Leaders in Environmental Health
WE ACT
Center for Environment, Health, and Justice
Environmental Law Research Institute
Pesticide Action Network North America
Food and Water Watch
environmental health, resource management, corporate responsibility, pesticides, clean water, education and outreach. theres so many possibilities. i could also look into environmental education, environmental journalism, etc etc etc etc etc. i know i want to do something with advocacy research, for sure. but what brazil showed me, is that like i said, its all towards the same thing. so if im interested in health...im interested in everything?
i mean...
ecosystem services
community building
capacity building
grassroots organizing
toxic exposure
microbiology
looking at the city as ecosystem
community based participatory research
democratic decision making
...how to i try and throw that all into one summer internship experience? HA
oh and i have an intestinal parasite living inside of me. today i get to try and find out what kind of lovely parasite it is. fun fun fun fun. i also get to get a few pairs of new clothes for school. and then pack. and pack some more. dreamcast is coming with.
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1 comment:
Dan. Dan Dan Dan, Dan.
First off, holy shit do we need to talk, because I think you (and Danielle maybe, too) will be the only people who can possibly understand exactly what I'm going through right now. Serious SeaMester withdrawal happening -- just like you've got serious Brazil withdrawal.
First of all, that quote is SO amazing. It's something that I've recently come to accept about the world and about myself, and seeing it put in such a poetic way is just amazing. I've always felt this incredible pressure to do something big and prestigious, something that makes a difference -- but the biggest difference I can make is by being happy in my everyday life. We can all change the world by shifting the status quo from the miserable daily grind to a world where we all set our own courses.
That said . . .
When you were talking about your life and how you've changed (or maybe, just grown) post-Brazil, you said:
there's this overwhelming inner sense of capability and hope.
i actually listen to and trust myself in what i say and think.
challenges excite me.
overall, i feel a lack of the kind of fear to act that would have gripped me before brazil.
That's exactly how I feel, to the world. I feel like I can just go out and DO things now, do whatever I want. Not in a cheesy be-all-you-can-be kind of way, but in a way that's more real and important. I know that, if I want something, I can reach out and grab it. No matter what crazy curveballs life throws at me, I'll be able to handle it, and more than that, it'll probably make everything a lot more fun and exciting. I'm not scared anymore, not nervous about graduating from Bard and getting out to see the big wide world. Neither are you, it seems like -- and isn't that just the best damn feeling ever?
Except, you know, now I'm going totally stir-crazy, itching to experience it all.
My captain used to say "the only difference between ordeal and adventure is your perspective." Maybe the best thing about a semester away (especially doing what we were doing -- and again, we SO need to talk) is that it gave us the kind of perspective we needed.
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