Perhaps He Has a Point...

Today, as Susan, Will, Gina, Susan's host bro, and I were walking through a market from a friend's host grandmother's birthday party, we stopped to buy an avocado. The seller stopped and began to ask the brother , from what I could make out in Portuguese, what we were doing here. Not why Susan was buying an avocado, but what a bunch of American kids are doing in Belem.

It's a good question. Today I read the article "To Hell With Good Intentions", I forget who the author is, and it's been very stuck in my head since. I'm actually surprised I haven't had to read it at Bard, especially with so many anthropology classes, you'd think it might have come up at some point. But it begs me to ask myself the question, what the hell am I doing here? The author outlines a number of great points, written in the 60's on American volunteers going down to Mexico to help the poor. Besides the excellent comments on how it is imposing another lifestyle and obtrusive, the one that got me was, me paraphrasing, "in the US would you go to a ghetto and tell the community that you were there to help the poor people there?" No. They would tell you to get lost, to fuck off, to use the phrase that would most likely be used. Isn't there something inherently pretentious about the whole idea? Leading me to another of his points: most people, I guess including myself, justify going to do things, such as a semester abroad or volunteering trips, on the grounds that it is also a chance to have a transformative experience. But while doing so, the very presence and idea of this volunteer "saving" the poor helpless people can be harmful in a variety of ways. So, is it worth it?

Lastly...so, why go somewhere else to help people, when there is so much to do right back at home? I don't need to do Peace Corps or do work in Brazil or do volunteer work for a few years after I graduate to help people who have not been born with the same nice life circumstances as I. I could drive 20 minutes from home to do that. I could actually do something at Bard besides study and hang with friends. Or maybe it's the whole idea that I have to do something that is blatantly "helping" people. Cause, in a way, isn't mostly whatever you do helping people, in some way? Or isn't it just enough to support a family and be happy, in the end?

Ah. And of course there is the thing that has been bugging most of us since coming to Belem: we stick out. Obviously. We are, for the most part, a bunch of middle/upper class white kids from America. And everybody sees it. It definitely fits a "matter out of place" model. Luckily, I'm not one of the girls, so I don't really have to deal with constant cat-calls and car honks and other comments. But, it still is strange when everyone either stares at you and, like the man today, wonders what I am doing here, or they just don't acknowledge you at all. And despite how much time, if I were, to do "fieldwork" or "participant observation", I doubt I would really every know the place, people, and culture to at all the same degree as the people here, just as the same would be true if they came to Westtown, PA. Or maybe it's that we never know what's going on in general...

I apologize for the melancholy. Actually, it's not pessimistic at all, it just happens to be the reality of the situation here. While I'm really looking forward to our rural homestays near Manaus, reflecting on this article made me basically confront a lot of mixed feelings I've had about anthropology and doing things outside the US in general. There's so much talk about dependency and cultural imperialism, and do we really justify those claims by saying, "oh, well, I'm passionate about it, my intentions are pure". Well, I guess to hell with it, because it can cause damage regardless. Oh, and nobody's intentions are ever pure. Nothing is ever pure.

On the optimism side, though, it gives me more perspective and drive to think about more I can do back at home, if anything at all. Or ways I can organize my time and energy to things close by. Because in the end, that's all being sustainable is mostly about, yes? Keeping things close and repeatable? And oh, doesn't it take away from empowerment if everything is handed to you by some First-World led NGO? I guess I'll find out over the course of the semester, something to keep an eye out for.

On a more positive note, I'm not just volunteering and being imposing. I am studying, and learning, and learning skills and tools that I can use for the rest of my life. And the way the program is set up, the whole gift relationship is built into the ISP; they want us from the start to do research that can be utilized by people here in Amazonia to better...something. Also, Belem is cool. Last night we went out, meeting up at the Basilica, and walked to a bar/club called the Liverpool. Three cover bands were there singing Audioslave, Pearl Jam, and Foo Fighters. Very cool, might I add. I had a good time. Today a bunch of us met up at Jackie's family's house, as I said earlier, for her grandmother's 77th birthday. Brazilian families here are HUGE. Mind you, these aren't big houses, at all. It was packed. And a very cool experience...maybe we aren't so obtrusive after all, I don't know, its all very confusing and blah. We spent a long time chilling on the porch drinking Guarana soda and Skol beer talking to some of the brothers and cousins while listening to MTV's rap picks blast from the TV in the background. Hippi-Hoppi, its called here. It felt so strange, like being between Brazil and the US. Tonight: who knows. Family is out the church. Phone is charging. Might go meet up with people back at the house or something, who knows? Tomorrow I'm hoping to cruise around the Praca da Republica again and barter for some cool things.